i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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