dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
