You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
