Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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