dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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