If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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