everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
