Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
