I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize