let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
