I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
