I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
