apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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