Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my being single is dangerous.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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