Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
