I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
