Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
