mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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