Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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