fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
