Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize