So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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