There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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