she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
