you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
