They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
