Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
