Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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