i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
