Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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