hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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