My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
