We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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