remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
