I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
