By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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