I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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