he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
