i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
