id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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