you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
