Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Houston, we have a squirter
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
