We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
