she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
