The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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