Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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