she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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