She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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