Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
