At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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