What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize