Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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