Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
