The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
