I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
