I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize