How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
