I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
