I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
