my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize