oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
