I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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