and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
