I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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