well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
