Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
3 2 1 whiskey
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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