i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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