You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
