I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
