Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
