Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
