ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
