And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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