i don't like sucking hair
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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