and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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