Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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