Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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