ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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