Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
