coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You made out with two different species that night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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