Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize